Things I Must Remember As A Dog

®      The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

®      I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.                       

®      I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

®      I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

®      I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.

®      I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

®      I will not throw up in the car.

®      "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.

®      I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

®      The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

®      I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

®      I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

®      When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

®      We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

®      I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

®      The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

®      My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

®      I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.

®      I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.